Tag Archives: Momo

#11 – The Momo

In one of the earliest and shittiest examples of infuriating celebrity name truncations going, ‘Momo’ is actually short for the ‘Missouri Monster’. And like one half of the pattern-following power couple RiBrown, it’s a thoroughly unlikeable beast that has a tendency to beat the crap out of attractive women sat in cars. Thankfully though the similarity ends there, as the Momo is yet to shamelessly resurface and somehow still sell rubbish records to teenaged idiots hoodwinked into believing that if you love someone then it’s alright to backhand them in their annoyingly undeserving chops every now and then.

"Are you serious? People actually seem to have forgiven me?"

“Are you serious? People actually seem to have forgiven me?”

In other news, I doubt RiBrown is a nickname that anyone actually uses for those two. ChriHanna is probably equally possible. Ergh, I hate life.

First up, I need to put on my pedantic hat and point out that ‘Bigfoot’ has become a bit of a misleading umbrella term for anything tall and hairy that comes out of the woods. It should in fact be a moniker specific to the myriad of similar hominid sightings from America’s Pacific Northwest. The Momo (or ‘Eastern Bigfoot’) is a markedly different beast from the archetypal Bigfoot in a number of ways; it has no apparent neck, a large head set directly on its shoulders, and a face completely covered in the same long, dark hair that coats the rest of its body. Basically, imagine a seven-foot tall Cousin It with arms and feet and you’re halfway there. Then add a fuckton of blood and a dead dog slung under one arm and you will have successfully baked that thought-batter into the sort of fucking horrible nightmare cookie that you ought to be ashamed to feed even your mortal enemies.

All that's missing is a pointy guitar and this would be the most metal photo of all time.

All that’s missing is a pointy guitar and this would be the most metal photo of all time.

Reports of a Bigfoot-like creature have popped up in the area around Louisiana since the 1940s. Momo’s distinctive heavy metal look has been linked to a famous sighting further north in Monroe, Michigan in July 1971. Christine Van Acker encountered the beast while sat with her mother in the car. Momo, apparently convinced from the look of her that he’d caught Myra Hindley, promptly reached into the car and punched Van Acker in the face. She was left with a black eye that she went on to plaster all over the national papers alongside a sketch of her attacker apparently drawn by a six year old with a brain injury:

MonroeMichigan1965Honestly, from that sketch, she could well have been attacked by a Boohbah.

"Let's make a kid's TV show about a bunch of animate clitoral hoods! I can't see that being weird at all!"

Cross a dayglow parka with a clitoral hood, and you’ve apparently got a hit kid’s TV show.

The real fun began further south and a year later near the outskirts of Louisiana. Doris Harrison was inside the house, with her two younger brothers playing outside. Suddenly she heard them scream; looking out the bathroom window, she saw a blood-drenched Momo stood by a tree, carrying a dead dog under one arm. The creature soon skulked off into the woods, apparently unwilling to elevate its dinner plans from Korean food to delicious redneck children. This first sighting sparked a good few days of hysteria; residents reported dogs becoming sick or disappearing, horrible odours and terrible howling sounds coming from the area. A neighbour, Ellis Minor, shone a light out into his yard when his dog barked one night and became the second person to come face to face with the Momo, which again fled into the woods.

Casts were made of the large three-toed prints the monster left behind and delivered to Lawrence Curtis at the Oklahoma City Zoo. He deemed them to be a hoax, but whether hoaxers staged the whole affair or just jumped on the bandwagon after a genuine cryptid sighting remains to be seen.

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